Of Courage And My Inner Artist Guardian

First of all, I wish you all a very happy 2014! May it be a year of great possibilities realized for all of us!

As you may know, if you’ve been reading my recent posts, I’ve joined Lifebook 2014 this year.

It started on January 1st with a whole host of lovely lessons, and amazingly they really catered to complete beginners as well as more advanced artists! Totally awesome!

One of the things that were offered in that first lesson was a brief but beautifully guided meditation to get in touch with the inner artist guardian, our word for the year and our colors for the year! As I have mentioned before, I already had my word(s ) for 2014 come in loud and clear (I thought,) so imagine my surprise (and delight, if I’m honest) when my “receiving/allowing” changed to “courage!”

It felt right! I have a lot of things that I want to realize in 2014 and they will need a LOT of courage, for sure! They will also need receiving and allowing, but even for that I will need courage!

 

Recently, I have (not for the first time) been searching my soul again as to what really makes it sing, what really makes me feel alive inside, even when I imagine doing it day in and day out for the next 30 or so years. What would I really do if failing or money were no object?

There are so many things I enjoy. So many, many things I can get interested in and be all fired up about, but usually those are not things that I would want to do day in and day out for years to come. They burn out, they get a little stale ...

So, even though I enjoy a great many things and I am good at a great many things, WHAT is it really that I want to do?

And, much to my surprise, turns out, I want to be an artist! You know, really, truly, an artist, not a semi-apologetic, I-like-to-paint-and-create in my spare time kind of “artist” but a fully fledged, I-do-this-every-day-and-I-cant-believe-I’m-this-lucky ... artist!

It suddenly became so clear, maybe because I was finally able to receive what my heart and soul was really saying.

I create. It’s what I do. It’s what I love to do. It’s what I need to do. I paint, I craft, I scrap, I do so many wonderful things! I have known it for a while, what I haven’t listened to is the dream behind it. This thing that makes my soul sing and makes me come alive, it’s in my heart, in my thoughts, it’s imprinted all over my energy - and I need to do it! And a lot of it!!

And of course, as soon as I let myself go in this flow of clarity, my old friends doubt and fear show up and they start their usual little spiel about “how I’ll get over it,” and “who do I think I am,”  how it will really mean putting myself out there and how ridicilous and scary of a notion this whole thing really is.

And yes, there is a fine line between the energy of fear - utter, soul shaking, boot quaking kind of fear this realization brings with it, and the excitement of a dream that’s been screaming inside for all this time and is finally being heard. And sometimes they overlap and I think that’s where I currently reside!

And of course it doesn’t end there!

In fact, it’s only the tiniest small step! And what I have in mind, will require many many steps and many of them will have to be real leaps in all areas of my life. But I am ready!

And, yes, I would definitely say that “courage” IS the word for me in 2014. After all, “Another word for creativity is courage!” (Henri Matisse)

 

As for my inner artist guardian?

Well, here she is:

 

I created the wings with the raised Gesso texture technique I described here.

 

 

I also used a different method for this face to the ones before. This one is built from “the bottom up,” as it were. This was my first attempt at underlay painting, where you build up layers of shading first, then glaze it with a fairly translucent skin tone glaze.
As usual I couldn’t quite leave well enough along though and also ended up refining the shading on top of the glaze as well. However, I really love how clear I had to be about what shadows go where and how strong with this method, so I think this may become part of my face shading on quite a few paintings!

 

And ever since I’ve given my creativity permission to flow a few weeks ago, I can’t stop painting! I have so many ideas in my head, so many pictures that need to make it onto canvas/paper! Hopefully somewhere along the way, I’ll be able to actually put what’s in my head down on paper or canvas and both will look somewhat similar! *wink*
But a lot of that is technique, and that I can learn! What I might lack in technique, I make up for in passion!

 

So, yes, my new year has started with a lot of realizations, many of which are still bubbling and forming and making their full extent known! But it’s all good! It’s a lot like a part of me is finally ready to wake up and come out of this obscured corner where it’s been cowering in fear!
But that’s another story, for another day!

Warmly,

Birgit