On Peaks And Valleys

Yes, I am still alive! I know, I’ve been gone for a while.

And that leads me right into the topic I want to put out there today.

Whenever you read about successful blogging by the experts anywhere, they tell you that one of the KEY things is to blog regularly. Lots of reasons why and they are all good reasons.

Yet, so many bloggers I know blog in spurts. Does it make me want to read their blogs any less? No, not really, in fact sometimes I find the blogs that give me a great big blog post every single day a bit much, because I will inevitably fall behind.

 

I am very much a “spurt blogger” too. For weeks, even months, I want to share everything on my blog. I find the time, I take the photos, it all flows nicely. And then I inevitably enter a phase where it’s jut not happening. Usually, something else needs more of my attention, or I am just simply “blogged out” for a bit.
I used to have a lot of guilt about this. After all, I wasn’t doing it right.  I was letting my readers down. And it’s not like I don’t have anything to share - I just couldn’t quite get “my act together” to just keep doing it. Surely I would lose every single reader I ever had if I just quit blogging for a month.

Especially if I did that on a semi-regular basis.

 

But lately, it has occurred to me that first of all, the guilt doesn’t help anybody, least of all me. In fact, if there’s guilt in the way, chances are that blog post are even less likely to happen again, because well, it’s just no fun! Who needs that heaviness?

Second of all, it’s part of who I am. Be it on the blog, be it in my art, be it in real life. I work, play, paint, blog, be an extrovert/introvert in spurts. And I thoroughly enjoy it!

And then I need to retreat a little. Find my center again. Refuel. I enjoy the quiet then. I enjoy focusing on something else for a bit. I enjoy my own company for a bit.

I’m not talking completely exhausting myself, crashing and then needing to retreat to recuperate and “save” myself. Even though, that’s been more my tendency in my earlier years. These days my peaks and valleys are more rolling than spiking. *grin*

 

What I am saying is, that I have realized that this is, as much as anything else, who I am.

I am a spurt blogger.

I am an introvert with extrovert spurts or an extrovert with introvert spurts and I need  both.

 

For many years I always thought I should be finding the balance between the two at all times. Like, if I were to do a “spot check” on my life at any given time, I should be able to see balance (slightly more or less) between aspects of my life at all times.

And, not surprisingly, I always failed. Then I would beat myself up about not being able to find the balance, etc.

 

I have come to realize that when I am on fire, when I am inspired, when I am in the thralls of creation - there is no such thing as balance. Not in those moments or phases. The balance will come again, but it’s not there in those moments and phases of creation and change!

I have also realized that this doesn’t mean I am “unbalanced” either.

Much like on an old fashioned scale, when you add weight to one side (or take it away for that matter,) there will be a temporary imbalance as the side that’s being added to will swing to one side. Until you balance it out with the other side. It’s how it works.  And it’s a good thing.

 

Perfect balance at all times would be standstill. And life, the universe and we as human beings - we just don’t do perfect balance/ standstill for any length of time!

And by realizing, accepting, and honoring that I have found much more joy in my life - with both the “peaks” and the “valleys.”  Neither is good or bad. They both just are.

And I mean really honoring that. Intellectually we all know that there can’t be balance at all times. This is nothing new.

 

But to really truly internalize that and enjoy the swinging to the left and to the right of the proverbial scale, and enjoying visiting each side AND the swinging in between, to embrace the chaos that can ensue in the process -  that took a little more work for me!

Embracing the chaos and trusting that it will all work out in the end - that’s not only a true act of letting go of control, but of trust and receiving. Not something that comes easily to me. But I am getting better!

In all areas of my life.

 

And yes, that also means that there may be blog posts every other day for several months. And then there might be nothing. For a month. Or two.

Post by Birgit Kerr.

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Work In Progress

That seems to be the theme for me the last couple of weeks. Work.In.Progress.

I don’t have much finished, most of my art is currently in the “work in progress” stage.

We’ve had a lot of visitors lately and there is more to come!

So, normal life has been not at all “normal” and has sort of been happening between bouts of visiting and other distractions.

As a result, I haven’t really been able to do all that much art and the little I do get done, seems to just add to the work-in-progress pile.

 

This is not an easy state for me to be in - the perpetual WIP, without something finished and filed away - is not something I revel in!

However, these days, when I find an area where I am supremely uncomfortable, instead of “making it go away”, fighting against it, resisting it or pulling some superhuman efforts out of my hat, usually at a great price to myself, or, decide not to do something just so I don’t add to the pile -  I try and lean into it and embrace the discomfort.

I say “try” because some days I’m more successful than others with this!

 

But, I am learning so much about myself! So much to clear, so much to let go and so much to open up to!

Having a perpetual work-in-progress pile in my art, is just one of those discomforts in my life right now. There are many more. How did I get so lucky?

 

But, I am learning to really appreciate the discomfort! It’s that message that tells me something is up!

• It tells me that there is an opportunity to let go of an outdated way of thinking/feeling/acting.
• It tells me, that I am learning to recognize and leaning into my vulnerabilities, something I would have avoided at all cost not too long ago!
• It tells me that in this moment, on this day, in this situation, however minute, I am practicing courage and I am opening myself up to not only vulnerability, but also change!
• It tells me I am one step closer to being authentically me, and one step further away from needing to be “perfect.”
• It tells me, that at the other end of it, there is so much more opportunity for ease, joy, gratitude and expansion!
• It tells me, that I am  also a constant work in progress and that that is a good thing! Sometimes it’s also a difficult thing, but it’s never not a good thing!

 

And with that, I will show you one of those work-in-progress pieces from my pile.

 

I decided to go big on a face, to really practice features. But not only that, I also learned a new (to me) method of painting with gesso, watercolor crayons and black ink  while I was at it! It’s nowhere near finished, but it is starting to take shape!

 

 

 

 

 

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
― Brené Brown

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Of Splatters, Colors and the Process of Allowing!

And my inky drip/splatter obsession continues! So much fun!!

 

 

It has been amazing for me to embrace all this color and lack of control. As somebody who is usually more on the muted and controlled side in her expression of creativity, these bursts of color and mess of splatters and drips are quite freeing!

With the last several paintings, I’ve been really aware of what goes on for me while I paint. It’s quite amazing what a little pattern I have got going on.

First of all, I’m always convinced that I don’t have the ability/technical know-how, talent or whatever else, to actually put on paper what’s in my head. That’s before I’ve even started anything!
And I am usually “right” in that, however, I have found that even though it never ends up exactly like what I see in my head in terms of a picture, it DOES always seem to carry that energy and evoke the emotion I wanted to portray in the end. So, I push through.

 

Next, I am usually going along just fine for a bit and then this ONE (first of many)  thing will happen that has me convinced that I have now “ruined” the whole painting and I might as well just ditch it.

I wonder if you can tell what that might have been in this painting? Yep, that rather large, pink splatter streak! Yes, even in uncontrolled splatter world there’s apparently an inner critic that has “splatter standards!”

I was sure it would really not work anymore now and since I had only just put down my basic splatters, it would have been easy to just start over.

But no, these days I roll with it. I go with it, I carry on, I ignore the inner critic that keeps on telling me that I will regret not starting over, etc. But this is how I practice courage these days - I carry on anyway!

Just like I carry on the other 5-15 times during any given painting, where I am “sure” that this is just not going to work out.

Why do I willfully go and ignore my intuition? Why do I put myself through that and isn’t this just a lot like obstinacy, rather than courage?

I do it, because I have learnt that it is not my intuition. It’s also not obstinacy. It’s my resistance!

My attempt to control what it becomes, my attempt to create something I have already determined in my mind. That’s the playing-it-safe me. That’s the not-being-myself me!  And that’s also the judgmental me!

Who says this painting doesn’t need a completely disproportionate pink streak going in the other direction from all the others?

 

So, when I push through, when I ignore “the voices,” I let go of resistance and  enter into allowing.

Allowing myself to create what it is I need to express, allowing the painting to become what it needs to be. So it can evoke/transmit what it needs to evoke, in myself and others. And that really never has anything much to do with the mind anyway and that is where the inner critics and the resistance junkies reside a lot of the time!

This being courageous and allowing thing - it’s a daily process! Not always an easy one.  But it is becoming a gloriously freeing one!

Do I always succeed? No.

Some paintings really don’t turn out that great - in my opinion. But, I am happy to say, fewer and fewer! Maybe because there is no such thing as “making the cut”  anymore. They all are what they are! And I am so grateful for them and what each and every one has taught me and continues to teach me!

 

And as all this plays out in my art, I find it plays out in my life:

The practicing of courage - every day!

The letting go of judgments and preconceived notions - every day!

The allowing. The creating. The freer expression. The colors. The just BEing. The gratitude.

Every day!

 

 

YES! YES! YES!

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Happening around here lately

1. Practicing Gratitude.

I’ve never much liked the expression “an attitude of gratitude.” It doesn’t resonate with me. To me attitude is something you “put on”, like an external thing you adopt. The saying even goes “adopting an attitude of ...” Again, its’ like something that is not from you or in you -  and you’re just trying it on for a while. And an attitude doesn’t necessarily denote an action to me - it’s more of a concept.   “Practicing gratitude” suits me better. Because to me it is a practice - you actually DO it over and over until it becomes you and you become it! By practicing every single day, you become a grateful person - a grateful person that practices gratitude every single day! The “goal” and the journey are the same here! From very early on, I have had the practice with my children, to snuggle up before bed, look back on the day, remember or list what happened, what we liked, what we didn’t like so much, what we are grateful for, etc. As they are older now, we have really started to focus a little bit more on the actual practice of gratitude. Not only the forming of a

mindset, but hopefully the habit of a life time. I have a gratitude journal in my bedside table, and I write in it as often as I can. My kids have little gratitude journals too.  They write in them if and when they remember to.

I also used to have a list on the fridge. A few month ago, I went big however, covered the refrigerator in some chalk board vinyl and invited the kids to participate in writing their gratitude on the gratitude chalk board too.

It has been such fun!

And yes, occasionally we swipe against it and end up wearing our chalky gratitude, but it’s all good!

I LOVE reading the things the kids come up with! The board alone is an awesome read, but their little journals are great in themselves. Max is short and sweet, often with just daily one word entries, of whatever he felt grateful for that day. Quite often it can be a thing or something practical.

Anna tends to be a little more elaborate. She has longer entries and mostly they are about people or experiences related to people!

I also often find my kids standing in front of the board and reading out all the things we have written down over time, which just makes us feel the gratitude all over again as they do it!

And when the board gets all filled up, we wipe it and start all over. Not before I take a few pictures though!

 

2. Blissful aroma.

As I type, the house is filled with the blissful aroma of apple butter bubbling away in my crockpot. We’ve had some amazing organic apples from Azure this year, for around 50 cents per pound (and there were many many pounds!)  and I have been canning our year’s supply of ever so yummy homemade, unsweetened applesauce (and some apple jelly) over the last few weeks and now I’m using the last of the apples to make a few batches of apple butter. It’s such an easy thing to do in the crockpot and it makes your house smell oh so good!

 

3. Spreading Joy.

I always like to make it a point to do some random acts of kindness. Sometimes they are slightly more planned, sometimes they are very random and spontaneous. This weekend they were a bit of both!

Some of my fellow “flyers” were inspired by Kelly Rae Robert’s kindness mission and got together to love-bomb the world! I was only too happy to join in! You can read more about it here. So today, I left a few of those lovely little print out’s around my neighborhood. Our community mail boxes looked like they need some art loving, as did a couple of park benches and some lamp posts!

 

 

I also love the practice of love/kindness pebbles, which I left the last of today as I went about my business.

Those are little pebbles with words of love, appreciation or inspiration on them. Like "you are loved”, or “I love you”, or “smile!”, “Ease. Joy. Glory”, etc. You drop these pebbles wherever and whenever you feel inspired to. In people’s pockets, on their desk, in their bag, at the checkout stand, wherever somebody will find it later. The idea is that it will bring a smile on their face and a little wondering as to who it might be from!

I’ll be decorating another batch of pebbles soon!

 

4. Little pleasures

 

Reading and re-reading this at the moment!

Hello, yummy veggie rainbow juice, fresh from the garden!

 

This makes me happy:

 

These make me happy too:

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This Little Word Called “Courage.”

As you may know from my post here, the word “courage” asserted itself as my word for 2014 during a meditation.

And as often (always?) happens, as soon as you make a true choice to want more of something, the universe goes, “ You want more of that? Really? Hurrah!! Here you go!” and it presents you with opportunity after opportunity to learn more about it, to apply it, to have your butt kicked by it and so on.

And the cool, and slightly terrifying, thing is, that once you are fully conscious about something, once you “know” something on that level, you can no longer “not know” it, you can’t go “Ahhh, never mind, I’ll go back to sleep after all!”

You can make a different choice, you can add and subtract, you can confront or hide, you can allow it or fight it every step of the way - but you can not un-know it!

 

So, here I am with my word “courage,” and yes, I have already learned a whole lot more about my little word. Mostly, I have learned that I don’t even know the half of it!

When “courage” came to me, I was quite sure what it meant. Of course I know what courage is, I said to myself! It’s when you feel the fear and do it anyway! It’s when you overcome your fear! It’s when you are brave, it’s when you overcome, when you stand up and  fight. And mostly, in my definition, courage had to do with overcoming fear.

And really I think, it does for most of us, in it’s purest definition. It’s what we’ve been taught.

What we are afraid of and in what areas of our lives these fears, that we then courageously overcome, show up, is different for all of us of course! But essentially courage and fear pretty much go hand in hand by definition.

Well, turns out, there is just so much more to it than that!

 

It all started when I came across this quote:

 

Another word for creativity is courage! - Henri Matisse

That really hit home for me! I’ve been trying to play it safe for so long in my art, and just recently have I let go of that a little, been more courageous, more vulnerable, more from my heart!

 

And then the next thing I came across, really rocked my world a little. Not only was she saying a lot of the things I was discovering, she also added so much more to my discoveries and brought it all full circle!

These two videos speak to me so much on so many levels, that I will probably come back to parts of them over and over.

 

 

It helps that she is also quite funny and a really good speaker!

 

It seems they came along at the absolutely perfect time for me, right in this process of stepping out to be more authentically me,  daring greatly and more wholeheartedly so!

THIS definition (Brene Brown’s) of courage IS truly what I felt that my word was for 2014. THIS definition of courage is what my vision is for 2014. This start of something where there is no turning back from on a certain level. This finding my way home to a “me” that I never allowed myself to be.

 

 

So, here is my latest painting.

It is kind of special to me. It embodies a lot of this whole learning about courage for me. I came up against so many of my fears while doing this painting, so many “Oh no, I’m going to ruin it!” and with each one, I was able to feel not only the courage of doing it anyway, but also the vulnerability of giving myself very little control in the outcome of this!

 

 

There was a lot of gesso, and smearing, and splattering, and stamping, and rubbing, and dripping, and splashing, and each and every time I got to a point where I actually liked it (after almost ditching it several times in between,) I challenged myself to go and do something to it that would potentially “ruin” it again!

 

{I used the “puffy Gesso” method again for texturing the background!}

 

I think it is done now, but I’m not sure! It has gone through quite a few evolutions along the way, so there might be more!

Have I “ruined” it along the way? Maybe. In fact, it’s entirely possible that it was “nicer” in the beginning. However, the process that followed was so important to me and the painting I hold in my hands now, is much more wholehearted ... much more ... courageous?

Whichever way, it IS a very tactile piece, somewhat raw in places, quite smooth and delicate in others, sparkly and shimmery, subtle and in your face all at the same time.

 

What does courage mean to you?

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The Long Lost Blogger

Wow, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted here!

It has been BUSY around here! Not that that’s new or different!

Catching you up will be a long and picture rich post, but here we go!

 

On top of the regular scheduled “programming” around our house, I’ve been busy with this:

 

 

My “babies” turned eight years old! (Seriously?! When did that happen?!) And we had a party! And it was an awesome party! And of course there were the cakes!

 

Anna wanted a Lalaloopsy cake, with figures she could keep! So, that was an easy one! Making all the buttons, butterflies and flowers was fun and quite easy - and then I just topped it off with some mini Lalaloopsies!

 

 

 

Max, of course, wanted an Angry Birds cake again, this time with the star wars theme! He wanted to be able to eat everything, so I made everything edible!

 

We also had a bouncy castle, and Daddy was manning the cotton candy machine and lots of friends came and everyone had a lot of fun!

 

 

 

 

And then there is also a lot of this!

 

 

Bumper crops, canning, freezing, prepping, freezing, jam making, drying, freezing,  pie filling making, apple sauce making, jam making, fermenting, you name it and I’ve done a LOT of it this year!

 

And of course, now there is also a whole lot of this

 

 

 

Unfortunately, our latest hard frost took out most of the zucchinis, tomatoes, peppers and egg plants. But a lot of the more cold hardy things have sprung up and are doing great! And since we have generally very mild winters, it’s prime gardening season around here even now!

 

And then there was the purging, because all of that wasn’t quite enough! I got some kind of bug which I like to call “no room left behind”, which basically includes every room, every cupboard, every box/basket, etc sorted through, organized, purged (if applicable) and cleaned out.

I am mostly through the house now (except for my husband’s office - I’m calling that one a lost cause ...) with only a couple more areas left to do!

It’s an ongoing thing really, but it is amazing how much accumulates in a family of hoarders  organizationally challenged people, even when I try to stay on top of it on a regular basis! And it always seems to be such a big deal with the husband and the kids, there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth and all that!
Even though, once we are through it, all of them are quite clear that they feel much better without all their rooms/lives in a hot mess and all cluttered up! Go figure!

 

Anyway, then Thanksgiving happened, with family staying in town for a while and we were in the rather more unique position of also incorporating a little of Hannukah into our Thanksgiving celebration, making it a once in a lifetime Thanksgivukkah! With a variety of allergies running high in the extended family, it was an interesting experience, making all the familiar, expected and traditional goodies, while keeping everyone happy and healthy!

We had gluten-free Rugalach (nuts and honey as well as poppy seed filling,) gluten-free corn casserole, the turkey of course, dairy and gluten-free gravy, dairy-free and regular mashed potatoes, potato cakes with apple sauce, lingon berry and cranberry sauce and speaghetti squash! For dessert with had gluten-free dutch apple pie, marshmallow dreidels, gluten-free chocolate and cookie acorns. Wondering what our dietary restrictions are when we all get together? No dairy, no gluten, no coconut or derivatives, no soy or derivatives, no garlic, no fish, no artificial sweeteners and no red peppers and no beans. Those are the bigger ones, not including the “dislikes” that everyone brings along too!
Anyway, as you can see, we had a feast and everyone was safe and happy!

I have taken a bunch of Thanksgiving photos, but I can’t find them right now, so this will serve as a place holder for me to add them later! It’s not like I don’t have a lot of other photos for you to look at in this post!

 

And now of course we’re racing full steam toward Christmas! It will be the first time that our little family will be just us for Christmas! We have never had that and even though it is unfamiliar, I am really looking forward to a laid-back, nowhere-to-go, nothing-much-to-do, keep-your-pajamas-on-all-day kind of a Christmas!

 

The other thing that’s been taking up my time and passion again, has been art journaling/painting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been doing two art courses (online) in the last few weeks. And I have loved, loved, loved them!
The first one was Tam Laporte’s (aka Willowing) Fabulous Faces class which is just plain awesome! Rarely have I enjoyed a course quite that much, I have to say!

 

 

The second one is a portrait class by Gabrielle DeCesaris on skillshare and it has helped me tremendously in the technical areas and I have had quite a few “AHA” moments in terms of proportions and realistic feature composition!

{In progress}

 

And I think I have left my “can’t do faces right” persona behind now and things are looking up - and a lot more like actual faces now! I still need a lot of practice, but this kind of practice is so much fun, so I’m looking forward to that!

And in that spirit I have also signed up for Lifebook 2014 and I am SO excited for it to start - I can hardly wait!

A whole year of artsy, messy, healing, journaling, learning and expanding goodness is waiting to be explored and I will be part of it! YAY!

 

 

So, yes, that’s the last 3 months or so in a nutshell!

What new things have you been tackling in your life?

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Lately ...

Lately, I have been so busy, with so many things. Things I want to share with you. Things that all require at least one post by themselves, yet I never quite get past the beginning, as the next thing demands my attention.

So, as a result I have a flurry of unfinished blog posts, that never quite made it onto my blog.

What kind of things, you ask?

Well, there is

• Gardening in general, gardening in the dessert specifically, my experiences with Square Foot Gardening in the desert summer heat and gardening with children. Permaculture, what and why I am turning our backyard into a veggie garden and all that! Oh, and organic pest control. And building your own raised beds and other structures the cheap and easy way! And what about grow bags and root pouches! Yes,  gardening has taken up a lot of my time of late!
• Then there are the mason jar meals. Tips, tricks, experiences, recipes and other useful things.
• Tying in with both of the above, doing real food, good food, organic food on a budget. And I mean a fairly tight budget.
• I have also dabbled in sausage making of late and have some German/Bavarian recipes to share!
• And since it’s the season of abundance everywhere it isn’t as blisteringly hot as in Phoenix, there is also a lot of processing and canning and preserving going on. Which ties into the gardening and the budget and the organic and real food topics!
• And there’s the bread baking! So many recipes to share, so little time!
• Oh and some more tips and tricks, from money saving recycling ideas, to time saving practices around the house, to some crafty (ad)ventures around the garden and with the kids!
• I have also dabbled a little more in the homemade shampoo and other cosmetics area with great results and I have recipes to share!
• And then there are of course the kiddos. They are on break. And home. And in need of entertainment, learning and activities. Since it’s really hot here, we are mostly confined to the indoors, which always makes for a bit of a challenge!
• Then my husband had a somewhat unexpected health challenge, which involved surgery, hospital, recovery at home and all that good stuff!
• I have also always wanted to share with you some blog posts about mental, emotional and spiritual well-being practices. EFT, Access Bars, Body processes, meditation and so many other things that I practice regularly and like to involve my children in too. Ah, yes, one of these days I will get around to all of that!

So yes, it has been an eventful summer! And for the moment, at least until the kiddos are back in school and we resume some kind of normalcy, the unfinished blog posts probably stay that way!

 

However, I will leave you with a few photos!

 

Some of my pots. They are starting to go somewhat scarce and dormant for the summer. With those it’s not so much a matter of production but sheer survival. However,  if they survive the summer heat, they usually go into a second production cycle after the heat lets up a bit!

 

 

Growing potatoes in grow/root  bags and coffee sacks, filled with mulch! The potatoes you see here were planted at 4 different stages, so the harvest should keep us in potatoes for a few months, without having to store them much (no cellars/basements in Phoenix!)

 

 

Bavarian Leberkaese, which literally translated means Liver Cheese. The funny thing is, it neither has liver nor cheese in it. But it is a very delicious Bavarian sausage!

 

 

I have found some more things that you can grow/re-grow from grocery store produce!

 

 

Mason Jar meals galore!

 

 

 

We scored more inexpensive organic peaches, nectarines and figs and I’m canning and freezing like a champ!

 

 

My kids have been involved in quite a bit of gardening and fruit picking this year! They are really getting into the whole growing stuff! Good thing that I am too!

 

 

Yummy breads coming out of the oven every week!

 

 

 

At a 120 F you have to get a little creative with the shade cloth in order to give your plants at least half a fighting chance! What’s climbing up on the side are sweet potato vines! They LOVE the heat! Did you know that you can eat the leaves of the potato vines? You just sauté  them like spinach leaves.  Oh, and the sweet potatoes are another thing you can grow from store produce! This particular one I grow mainly for slips and the leaves, but I have a couple of other containers that I am growing for the sweet potatoes!

 

 

Field trips and new adventures are a necessity during the long summer break! And so much fun!

 

 

How is your summer going? Are you looking forward to the start of school or are you going to miss the little people being home all the time?

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