The Evolution Of An Intuitive Painting

For week 8 in our Lifebook 2014 class, we had a lesson from the lovely Alena Hennessy.

She led us in a short meditation, then had us write a letter to self/universe/god/angels, all before we started with our painting. There were really no rules or definitive instruction on the painting per se, other than paint and do what you want to do, do what feels  right, express what you feel guided to, paint as freely as a child!

 

I loved it! I often meditate before doing my art these days and I am getting more and more into the intuitive painting kind of style, so this was just right for me! Thankfully it was also a holiday today, so I got a little time to play! It was great, and quite surprising, what wanted to come out of me today!

 

 

And I actually remembered to capture a few stages along the way, so I can show you just how one of those intuitive paintings can evolve!

 

 

This is what I started with. Lots of color! Sprays, drips, splats, scribbles, a stencils. I just went for it!

 

 

Then I toned it down a bit with some white acrylic paint. Some brushed on, some brayered on, some smeared with my fingers. It all was very random!

Then I drew some acrylic ink scribble flowers with the little dropper, right out of the bottle. I also took an old gift card and ran it through some acrylic ink, which I then scraped onto the painting. You can see them as the vertical lines in the painting.

After that I had to sit with it for a bit. I somewhat had a notion of where I wanted it to go, but I couldn’t quite “grab” it. In the end I took a pen and just started to doodle.

 

 

First the large circle on top, then moving on to the middle one and finally I doodled the last circle into the flower petals that were shining through from the previous layers.

 

 

Next, some more dotting and decorating around the circles. Some really free-motion, “let the hand do what it wants and then see what you’ll do with it” kind of stuff! It is SO freeing!

 

 

Then I needed some shimmer! It’s hard to capture it, as always. You can see it a little better in the photo rather than the scan. From this angle you can see the rather more intensly yellow-ochre patches. Those are the perfect pearl shimmers.  Not that they look that yellow when you look straight at the painting. You just get a little shimmer!

 

 

We were encouraged to put a mantra or some positively inspiring words on our painting. I kept on trying to think of something short and sweet, but in the end, what it always came back to, was this excerpt from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, that has had me so inspired and fascinated for quite some time now.
It was about time that I did a page featuring it!

 

 

It reads:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

YES! Yes, to daring greatly!

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The Dust Of Every Day Life ...

1.) Garden Time.

Things have really been heating up around here lately. I mean literally! We’ve suddenly gone to the 90s, just like that! That’s a bit warm for this time of year, even for Phoenix. However, it also meant that I really had to get my planting going in the garden.

So, I spent some glorious hours out there, getting the beds ready, fertilizing with the “stinky fish stuff,” as my kids call it, and  which always causes our cat to lick his way through the garden, walls and all! And then I planted my seedlings.
I tried a new method this year, as I just didn’t want to have all the window sills full of seedlings. It never ends well, with the kids and the cat and soil everywhere. And remembering to water them. It’s odd, I’m ok about remembering to water outside, but inside, unless it’s already part of my routine - not so much!

So, this time around I started everything back in December and outside - but in tea jugs! Apparently this even works for places with real cold and deep snow!

It certainly worked for me. And what’s even better, it was one of those “set it and forget it” kind of things. No watering, no cleaning up spilled soil - just rows of tea jugs on my patio!

 

 

All you need is:

• a clear (mostly) plastic jug of some kind (water, milk, tea, etc.) and even some of the larger plastic juice bottles would work.
• Duct tape or some other well sealing, weather resistant kind of tape.
• Your soil of choice. I like to use the little jiffy pellets that you expand in water. The seedlings never get transplant shock with those and they hold water close to the root longer which is important when you plant in the desert. If you use those, have them soaked and ready to go.
• Seeds of choice.
• A sharp knife, utility knife or pair of scissors (for the thinner type of jug - won’t work with scissors on these thick plastic kind of jugs)

All you do, is to cut the jugs from the right side of the handle (about 2 inches from the bottom of the jug)  toward the front of the jug (opposite of the handle) and around back to about an inch before the handle. So basically you have cut 3 sides of the jug, leaving the handle side of the jug uncut.

You can cut it all the way, but I found that it’s easier to tape everything back together when the jug is still holding all it’s parts together by itself.

 

Bend back the upper part of the jug so you can access the bottom part. Fill with soil or your soaked pellets, and sow your seeds.

Water thoroughly, but not so that everything swims. Just give it a good soak.

Bend back the top part and make sure you write, with a waterproof/fade resistant marker what you put inside!

Now, tape everything up really well along the seam. We want this to be air tight. Replace lid, set outside in a sunny spot and basically don’t touch it until you are ready to plant.

Really, don’t open them to peek. Every time you do, the moisture and heat escapes. And that’s NOT good for your seedlings!

 

So I had a row of mini tea-jug-greenhouses on my patio. I had one for melons, one for squash, one for tomatoes, one for herbs, one for peppers and a couple of other ones I don’t remember now!  Again, make sure you use fade resistant markers! I thought I was being all cute by using different colored sharpies to mark my jugs!  Turns out that the purple sharpies are not nearly as permanent as the other colors!!

Since we have to plant as early as possible to hopefully get a half-way decent crop before the blistering heat sets in again, everything went in over the last few days for me!

 

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Another garden related thing. My 2 new favorites to switch things up in the garden: purple potatoes (just planted) and orange cauliflower (just harvested!) So pretty, so yummy and so good for you!!

 

 

My children are still a tad freaked out about the purple potatoes, however. They say it’s too halloween-y! Who knew there was such a thing!

Hopefully, they will get over it!

 

2.) A quote for today.

 

 

Art continues to be the thing in my life right now, even though this week has been so very busy and I’ve been torn in so many directions, that it’s been hard to finish something.

However, I have learned that there will be times like this. There are times when things seem to be out of balance, either because of too many other, even though necessary, distractions, or because there is a creative dry spell, or, or, or.

I used to worry about those and sometimes I still do. What if it doesn’t pick up again? What if I stay out of balance and out of this delicious flow of creativity, that I have come to treasure,  forever more?

What if I don’t find that good balance between family and work and art and garden and home and my needs and and and again?

But, experience has shown that it often goes in peaks and valleys and that I tend to prolong the more uncomfortable periods by resisting them.

What we resist truly persists, so my goal this week has been to step out of my own way as much as possible, listen to the whispers, to my body and let much of the intensity, I’m experiencing, wash over me and through me.

For me, this week has been a lot about leaning into discomfort and vulnerability, being with it, rather than running or protecting myself from it. It has been about being gentle with myself and  about snatching the little soul dustings of art when I can!

 

3.) Things to come to this blog in March.

As of March 1st, I’ll be taking part in a fabulous event, called “The Big 20/20 Event”.  For twenty days, twenty (more or less) bloggers will be posting twenty different tutorials on their blogs. Every day will be a different tutorial, from a different person, including yours truly!

You won’t have to blog-hop, unless you want to go and check out cool new people and bloggers, everything will be happening right here on my blog - and simultaneously on all the other 20 blogger’s sites! Cool, right?

So, here’s what’s coming:  20 days, 20 terrific tutorials - time to be totally inspired!!!

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Of Splatters, Colors and the Process of Allowing!

And my inky drip/splatter obsession continues! So much fun!!

 

 

It has been amazing for me to embrace all this color and lack of control. As somebody who is usually more on the muted and controlled side in her expression of creativity, these bursts of color and mess of splatters and drips are quite freeing!

With the last several paintings, I’ve been really aware of what goes on for me while I paint. It’s quite amazing what a little pattern I have got going on.

First of all, I’m always convinced that I don’t have the ability/technical know-how, talent or whatever else, to actually put on paper what’s in my head. That’s before I’ve even started anything!
And I am usually “right” in that, however, I have found that even though it never ends up exactly like what I see in my head in terms of a picture, it DOES always seem to carry that energy and evoke the emotion I wanted to portray in the end. So, I push through.

 

Next, I am usually going along just fine for a bit and then this ONE (first of many)  thing will happen that has me convinced that I have now “ruined” the whole painting and I might as well just ditch it.

I wonder if you can tell what that might have been in this painting? Yep, that rather large, pink splatter streak! Yes, even in uncontrolled splatter world there’s apparently an inner critic that has “splatter standards!”

I was sure it would really not work anymore now and since I had only just put down my basic splatters, it would have been easy to just start over.

But no, these days I roll with it. I go with it, I carry on, I ignore the inner critic that keeps on telling me that I will regret not starting over, etc. But this is how I practice courage these days - I carry on anyway!

Just like I carry on the other 5-15 times during any given painting, where I am “sure” that this is just not going to work out.

Why do I willfully go and ignore my intuition? Why do I put myself through that and isn’t this just a lot like obstinacy, rather than courage?

I do it, because I have learnt that it is not my intuition. It’s also not obstinacy. It’s my resistance!

My attempt to control what it becomes, my attempt to create something I have already determined in my mind. That’s the playing-it-safe me. That’s the not-being-myself me!  And that’s also the judgmental me!

Who says this painting doesn’t need a completely disproportionate pink streak going in the other direction from all the others?

 

So, when I push through, when I ignore “the voices,” I let go of resistance and  enter into allowing.

Allowing myself to create what it is I need to express, allowing the painting to become what it needs to be. So it can evoke/transmit what it needs to evoke, in myself and others. And that really never has anything much to do with the mind anyway and that is where the inner critics and the resistance junkies reside a lot of the time!

This being courageous and allowing thing - it’s a daily process! Not always an easy one.  But it is becoming a gloriously freeing one!

Do I always succeed? No.

Some paintings really don’t turn out that great - in my opinion. But, I am happy to say, fewer and fewer! Maybe because there is no such thing as “making the cut”  anymore. They all are what they are! And I am so grateful for them and what each and every one has taught me and continues to teach me!

 

And as all this plays out in my art, I find it plays out in my life:

The practicing of courage - every day!

The letting go of judgments and preconceived notions - every day!

The allowing. The creating. The freer expression. The colors. The just BEing. The gratitude.

Every day!

 

 

YES! YES! YES!

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Happening around here lately

1. Practicing Gratitude.

I’ve never much liked the expression “an attitude of gratitude.” It doesn’t resonate with me. To me attitude is something you “put on”, like an external thing you adopt. The saying even goes “adopting an attitude of ...” Again, its’ like something that is not from you or in you -  and you’re just trying it on for a while. And an attitude doesn’t necessarily denote an action to me - it’s more of a concept.   “Practicing gratitude” suits me better. Because to me it is a practice - you actually DO it over and over until it becomes you and you become it! By practicing every single day, you become a grateful person - a grateful person that practices gratitude every single day! The “goal” and the journey are the same here! From very early on, I have had the practice with my children, to snuggle up before bed, look back on the day, remember or list what happened, what we liked, what we didn’t like so much, what we are grateful for, etc. As they are older now, we have really started to focus a little bit more on the actual practice of gratitude. Not only the forming of a

mindset, but hopefully the habit of a life time. I have a gratitude journal in my bedside table, and I write in it as often as I can. My kids have little gratitude journals too.  They write in them if and when they remember to.

I also used to have a list on the fridge. A few month ago, I went big however, covered the refrigerator in some chalk board vinyl and invited the kids to participate in writing their gratitude on the gratitude chalk board too.

It has been such fun!

And yes, occasionally we swipe against it and end up wearing our chalky gratitude, but it’s all good!

I LOVE reading the things the kids come up with! The board alone is an awesome read, but their little journals are great in themselves. Max is short and sweet, often with just daily one word entries, of whatever he felt grateful for that day. Quite often it can be a thing or something practical.

Anna tends to be a little more elaborate. She has longer entries and mostly they are about people or experiences related to people!

I also often find my kids standing in front of the board and reading out all the things we have written down over time, which just makes us feel the gratitude all over again as they do it!

And when the board gets all filled up, we wipe it and start all over. Not before I take a few pictures though!

 

2. Blissful aroma.

As I type, the house is filled with the blissful aroma of apple butter bubbling away in my crockpot. We’ve had some amazing organic apples from Azure this year, for around 50 cents per pound (and there were many many pounds!)  and I have been canning our year’s supply of ever so yummy homemade, unsweetened applesauce (and some apple jelly) over the last few weeks and now I’m using the last of the apples to make a few batches of apple butter. It’s such an easy thing to do in the crockpot and it makes your house smell oh so good!

 

3. Spreading Joy.

I always like to make it a point to do some random acts of kindness. Sometimes they are slightly more planned, sometimes they are very random and spontaneous. This weekend they were a bit of both!

Some of my fellow “flyers” were inspired by Kelly Rae Robert’s kindness mission and got together to love-bomb the world! I was only too happy to join in! You can read more about it here. So today, I left a few of those lovely little print out’s around my neighborhood. Our community mail boxes looked like they need some art loving, as did a couple of park benches and some lamp posts!

 

 

I also love the practice of love/kindness pebbles, which I left the last of today as I went about my business.

Those are little pebbles with words of love, appreciation or inspiration on them. Like "you are loved”, or “I love you”, or “smile!”, “Ease. Joy. Glory”, etc. You drop these pebbles wherever and whenever you feel inspired to. In people’s pockets, on their desk, in their bag, at the checkout stand, wherever somebody will find it later. The idea is that it will bring a smile on their face and a little wondering as to who it might be from!

I’ll be decorating another batch of pebbles soon!

 

4. Little pleasures

 

Reading and re-reading this at the moment!

Hello, yummy veggie rainbow juice, fresh from the garden!

 

This makes me happy:

 

These make me happy too:

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This Little Word Called “Courage.”

As you may know from my post here, the word “courage” asserted itself as my word for 2014 during a meditation.

And as often (always?) happens, as soon as you make a true choice to want more of something, the universe goes, “ You want more of that? Really? Hurrah!! Here you go!” and it presents you with opportunity after opportunity to learn more about it, to apply it, to have your butt kicked by it and so on.

And the cool, and slightly terrifying, thing is, that once you are fully conscious about something, once you “know” something on that level, you can no longer “not know” it, you can’t go “Ahhh, never mind, I’ll go back to sleep after all!”

You can make a different choice, you can add and subtract, you can confront or hide, you can allow it or fight it every step of the way - but you can not un-know it!

 

So, here I am with my word “courage,” and yes, I have already learned a whole lot more about my little word. Mostly, I have learned that I don’t even know the half of it!

When “courage” came to me, I was quite sure what it meant. Of course I know what courage is, I said to myself! It’s when you feel the fear and do it anyway! It’s when you overcome your fear! It’s when you are brave, it’s when you overcome, when you stand up and  fight. And mostly, in my definition, courage had to do with overcoming fear.

And really I think, it does for most of us, in it’s purest definition. It’s what we’ve been taught.

What we are afraid of and in what areas of our lives these fears, that we then courageously overcome, show up, is different for all of us of course! But essentially courage and fear pretty much go hand in hand by definition.

Well, turns out, there is just so much more to it than that!

 

It all started when I came across this quote:

 

Another word for creativity is courage! - Henri Matisse

That really hit home for me! I’ve been trying to play it safe for so long in my art, and just recently have I let go of that a little, been more courageous, more vulnerable, more from my heart!

 

And then the next thing I came across, really rocked my world a little. Not only was she saying a lot of the things I was discovering, she also added so much more to my discoveries and brought it all full circle!

These two videos speak to me so much on so many levels, that I will probably come back to parts of them over and over.

 

 

It helps that she is also quite funny and a really good speaker!

 

It seems they came along at the absolutely perfect time for me, right in this process of stepping out to be more authentically me,  daring greatly and more wholeheartedly so!

THIS definition (Brene Brown’s) of courage IS truly what I felt that my word was for 2014. THIS definition of courage is what my vision is for 2014. This start of something where there is no turning back from on a certain level. This finding my way home to a “me” that I never allowed myself to be.

 

 

So, here is my latest painting.

It is kind of special to me. It embodies a lot of this whole learning about courage for me. I came up against so many of my fears while doing this painting, so many “Oh no, I’m going to ruin it!” and with each one, I was able to feel not only the courage of doing it anyway, but also the vulnerability of giving myself very little control in the outcome of this!

 

 

There was a lot of gesso, and smearing, and splattering, and stamping, and rubbing, and dripping, and splashing, and each and every time I got to a point where I actually liked it (after almost ditching it several times in between,) I challenged myself to go and do something to it that would potentially “ruin” it again!

 

{I used the “puffy Gesso” method again for texturing the background!}

 

I think it is done now, but I’m not sure! It has gone through quite a few evolutions along the way, so there might be more!

Have I “ruined” it along the way? Maybe. In fact, it’s entirely possible that it was “nicer” in the beginning. However, the process that followed was so important to me and the painting I hold in my hands now, is much more wholehearted ... much more ... courageous?

Whichever way, it IS a very tactile piece, somewhat raw in places, quite smooth and delicate in others, sparkly and shimmery, subtle and in your face all at the same time.

 

What does courage mean to you?

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